Keegan is the most wonderful baby! I know that it is partly because he is the fourth baby, and I suppose each one gets a little easier. But, there's just something about him that is so special to me. Its that he is so cuddly, so soft, and warm, with his fuzzy hair that sticks up everywhere. It's that he makes me feel more loved than any other person in my life ever has. Its that all he needs to be able to stop crying, is to see me. Its that it seems all he needs is love, and finally I know how to love a baby, because sometimes with all the crying and neediness, its hard to truly love and enjoy a baby. Its his smile and his laugh. Its the way he grabs my face and pulls it to his, or tangles his hands up in my hair. Its that he wants to be held all the time, and I really love to hold him. Its that I'm afraid that I might miss a moment, and never get it back. Its that hes growing so fast, aren't they all, and I don't want for the day to come when there are no more babies in my house because I won't know what to do with myself. Its that I am selfish, wanting to keep him small forever, because he makes me so happy. Its that there are tears running down my face right now, as I type this, because I cannot bear to think of them all growing up. I know that they are not mine to keep. I know that they are simply on loan. But that doesn't mean that I have to want to give them back. That doesn't keep me from wishing that I could keep them just how they are forever. Its just that I will never get tired of smelling a freshly bathed baby's head. Or watching his face light up just because I smiled in his direction. I will never get tired of hearing her precious voice. Or seeing the looks of wonder and amazement that everyday things bring flashing across her face. I will never get tired of hugging them, or kissing boo-boos, or baking cookies. I will never get tired of pushing the swing, or holding a hand, or calming a scare. I will never be tired of being their mom, though they will grow tired of me being their mom. Its that I love them all so very much, all of my beautiful, most wonderful gifts.
